Chrimmas.

Merry Chrimmas y'all.  Hope that Santa was good to you.

Jenn to Friends: "Have you seen mah FISHES?"

Fish to Jenn: "Have you SEEN ahh FISHBOWL?"

Robert to Fish: "Have you SEEN mah BUCKET?"

Check those suckers out, they're swimming 24-7 for your viewing pleasure.

I get my news from FacebooK. Our Royal Lady of Gaga met the Queen.

LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, RATTLE YOUR JEWELLERY

Our Lady of Gaga is disco royalty.  From this point forward we can only toast her with water or champagne.  Check out these two divas in action together - they are basically unstoppable. 

Rules from Jenn's pocketbook of Royal Etiquette
(a lil' something I pull out when Emily Post ain't enough and disaster is sure to ensue....)

Dear Our Disastrous Lady of Gaga,
I  can only pray that someone on your staff briefed you with my handbook prior to the rendezvous with Her Majesty.
Sincerely,
Jenn

1. Do not toast Her Majesty with Vodka.  Only Champagne or Water will do.
2. When the Queen enters the room get off the floor.
3. The Queen is addressed as "Your Majesty" at first, and thereafter as "Ma'am".  According to my sources in Buckingham Palace, this should rhyme with jam
4. Before screaming any drunken slurs in Her Majesty's gracious presence, it is correct to begin with, "May it please Your Majesty."

May it Please Our Lady of Gaga to continue being amazing?

Missing Me. Well some people are.

Things that are AmAZING: CLICK HERE PLEEEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

You never know what your girls will find while innocently perusing missed connections. 
Guess who was the girl in the black and white jacket at Brew Pub in Philly on November 28th?

Little Miss Me: I feel a little bit famous and a little bit violated! 

More importantly, I love that only MY friends would find this. What they were doing surfing missed connections is for another blog posting.





Dear Wendy and Jaigris
While you dish out participation marks consider that though this blog post may appear frivolous, it is not to be discounted.  This is a total example of social media in action.  This creep saw me, cyber stalked me, and now has totally found me.  Well kind of.  How and if I will respond is yet to be determined.
I am living this course.
Sincerely
Jenn

Never mind my bloodshot eyes, Tulks are on Fire!

Meow.

the waiting game.

i'm leaving on a jet plane.

correction - i should have left on a jet plane one hour and seventeen long minutes ago.  instead, i am in the porter lounge dying a slow death by americanos and salted almonds.  And I'm going to miss my 1pm meeting.

dear porter airlines
the delayed arrival was bad enough - almost forgiveable.  what i cannot forgive is the mechanical problem on the runway and your allowing the 11:00am to Newark to depart before the 10:00am. 
sincerely,
jenn

this is total BS.  I've know how waiting works.  I've been waiting for things for almost 30 years now and there is something to be said for respecting sequence.

sequence. def. ORDER.  meaning one before the other. ie. (1, 1+1, 1+2, 1+3, 1+4, etc).

I was here first so I should board first.  I have places to be.

UGH.

an authentic blog. spread some energy

this past friday i bought a jar of nutella. the nutella company did not send it to me for review on this blog.
I have a blogging policy of full-disclosure because according to my lecturer in class tonight the authenticity and transparency of my blog matters.

Dear Nutella
You are so smooth and chocolatey and hazelnutty.
I just wanna spread you all over a saltine and eat you with a glass of milk.
I think you would go well with banana.
and or toast.
You are a premium product at a non-premium price.
For the calories of a mere swipe of peanut butter, I get deliciousamazing tastifabulosity.

Sincerely
jenn

You should buy nutella too because I authentically endorsed it and authentically ate half the jar already.

Balloon Dog hit the Interwebs today

Money. That's what I want.

In terms of Social Capital,

Friends are like Money.

Dear Twitterface Friends.


You are of value to my current and future employers. Corporations want to know who we know. Not only do they want us to push their product, but they are counting on us to drive their employment brands too.
How can I be so sure?

Confession: I am just a girl in an HR world trying to figure it out.


Sincerely
Jenn

This is for real. Human Resources departments all over the world are thinking about the concept of employee referrals. We know that the best hires typically are brought to our attention by way of a current employee. It's all who you know.

Attention members of employee social, business, and external networks: we want YOU!


Leveraging employee social capital is tough. Unless you can trick your entire workforce into tweeting current job opportunities and updating their Facebook status to read what an employer of choice you are I suspect you willneed some sort of a plan.

Self promotion by way of the worker-bees is a good name for it.

I don’t have the formula yet, but thought I’d let y’all know I’m working on it by way of my final paper for DigiDigiMedia.

Should I find the recipe, you will be the first to know.

Balloon Boy versus Balloon Dog. Landing this Saturday at a park near you.

Balloon Boy
vs. Balloon Dog

Balloon Boy:
Falcon Heene (Brutal Name, this kid faces major bullying I'm sure)

1. Six-year-old Falcon Heene was believed to have climbed into an experimental hot air balloon
2. Balloon was believed to have taken off with the boy inside
3. Balloon launched from his parents' home in Fort Collins, Colorado
4. Balloon was filled with helium, reaching nearly 10,000 in altitude
5. Unconfirmed reports stated the boy may have fallen out
6. Boy's brother saw the boy climb into the craft before it launched
7. Balloon made of mylar, resembling a UFO
8. Landed at around 3:30 p.m. EST
9. Boy was not in the balloon when it landed
10. Boy later found hiding in the attic of the family's garage

 Verdict: This kid's life is a helium filled Bird of Mess

Balloon Dog: Lacie Tulk (the world's most beautiful puppy princess)

1. 17 month old Lacie Tulk will be forced into an experimental doggie balloon boy suit on October 31st
2. The balloon dog suit will make several appearances at Dog-o-ween parties with the puppy inside.
3. Balloon dog will be launching from the Pawsway at Harbourfront and landing at Garrison park at Fort York.
4. The balloon will be filled with Jenn’s hot air. Unconfirmed suspicions are that larger less bubblicious dogs may eat the balloon and Lacie may fall out.
5. Lacie will try to resist the suit, but Jenn will squeeze her into it before launch.
6. Balloon is made of shiny silver mylar-like fabric, resembling a DFO. (doggie-flying-object).
7. Will launch at around 2:30pm EST, landing time is 4:30pm EST
8. Lacie may not be in the balloon at landing time. It is suspected she will be found hiding in her crate, crying for a new owner.

Verdict: It's "ruff" being owned by Jenn. Meow. 

Due Dilligence

Question of the week?

Let me just draw your attention to the fact that I was meowing about this week's question way back on October 6th.  I am so dilligent that I either read the course outline backwards or suffer from time and date dislexia.

Regardless.  Consider my homework DID. 
copy my homework here

Measure that.
Meow.

the tiredest girl in the world.

My blogging is low this week.  i'm so tired.

i'm going to visit my most nutritious friend, elaine's blog:


www.ilikerealfood.com


to find out what colour of greens I should be eating to
cure my general malaise.


check it out.

This girl loves Vitamins like i Love Vodka, Shoes and Outfits.

ps.  She is Totally part of my Social Network.  Make her part of yours.

Things that suck. The Math.

Please note in the following model that the deeper the vee, the higher the incidence of huge nerdlingeekdom (hn) as expressed by:

Mv(w, S) = dv(S ∪ {w}) − Dv(S)/ 1 − Gv(S)

where

M = manpurse
d = deep vee
D = deeper vee
G = ambiguous
S = male pedicures
w = red leather seats
v = taylor swift

Vitamin Deep Vee. Kitchen Nightmares.

This is a shout-out to deep vees and hot chests everywhere. Pectorals have gone viral.

American-Apparel WhaaaaT?

Vitamin Water’s design your own flavour. Just one example of many viral campaigns pulling out all the stops: celebrity endorsement, consumer reward, viral video, and online tool.

Everyone wants a piece of the web. From soft-drinks to blenders we’ve got eCommerce, viral videos, facebook fan pages, tweet this tweet that. How can this even make sense? There is no way this will work for everyone.

Out of sheer curiosity (and my need to create a presentation that would make y’all look up at least once from your laptops) I have done some investiMigation and discovered.

Wait for it…….

A RECIPE for Viral Success on the Interwebs. Don’t be scurred. This appears to be surprisingly easy.

Ingredients to gather:

1. Free web content (a Video, a Game, a Tool, a Blog)
2. Valuable information users want (funny, celebrity, useful, groundbreaking)
3. Easy ways to share the content (links, emails)
4. A well connected network of influencers.

Mix items 1 to 3 together.
Stir carefully into a total marketing strategy
Bake for 2-6 weeks in an oven of networks set to high SNP*

*SNP. Social Network Potential. A coefficient attributed to only the coolest, most in-the-know, influencers on the world wide web. Google for more info. The algorithms hurt my head.

We just went viral. I think. Did we? We followed the recipe exactly!

HOLY KITCHEN NIGHTMARES BATMAN! apparently the recipe for viral isn’t like a box of Duncan Hines


Reasons why adding 1&1/4 cups of water, 3 eggs, and 1 tbsp of oil may not work for you:

1 Everyone can’t be popular at once (cept'fo'GAGA)
2 You need to BRAVE. Let go of the message and let it run on its own
3 You can’t OverHYPE. Trying to be cool is uncool.
4 You’ve gotta bake [seed] it in the right oven.

Shake it N’ Bake it.
Seeding your message.

Seeding is about placing the virus in front of KEY INFLUENCERS (those with High SNP) in your target audience.

If you seed this right, the coolest katz will discover your message, share it in their networks and it will explode like SARS in ASIA. Seed it wrong and it’s like everyone’s bathing in Lysol and doing the elbow sneeze.

Campaigns need to gain their own traction and messaging will evolve if the consumers deem you buzz-worthy. A virus can be planned but can’t be forced – consumers are too savvy. Shove the message too hard down their throats and they’ll show you a vaccine.

Take me to Pita Pit...where the Beautiful People Are

Little known secret. Shhhh

Any given Sunday

between 2am and 4am, the beautiful people of the world are mad off their faces mucking Pita Pit.  Crazy combinations of sauce and ingredients nestled in whole wheat or white pockets are what keep these people from doing something worse than mixing tzatziki, olives and honey mustard. 


I did some personal reconnaissance at one such location this past Saturday night.  Meow.

  To maintain the integrity of my research, I got mad off my face first.

Things I noticed between

CraZY veggie Cartoon Walls:

1. Pita Pit is full of MBAs
2. You can dare the Pita Man to put anything in that pocket.  He's not scurred.
3. Pitas are family friendly.  Even after midnight.

I recommend the chicken pita with pickles and lettuce and cucumber and green peppers and cheese and tzatziki and honey mustard and subsauce and sprouts and black olives and I dare you to add hot peppers.

A Creature Feature: Bobby Digital

and this isn't a blog about RZA. 

Dear Robert
You are the most amazing friend I have ever stolen.  You had me at "I just put your dog in the fridge".  Almost everything about you brings a smile to my face.  Your wit is exclamatory and often inflammatory and I just can't get enough. Meow! 
Noting my passion for the Bobby-Fashion, it is time we had a tête-à-tête regarding your use of the word "amazeballs". Frankly, I am growing to hate it.
In an effort to facilitate a transition away from this Perez-trash word, I will expand your lexicon by providing a list of synonyms that I would find socially acceptable.

Jenn


Acceptable Synonyms Include:
Amazing! 
Loves it!
Loves it-Loves it!
Magical!
Meow!
Double-meow!
Fantastico!
Glamourous!

Let's work together and make this go away.  In exchange, I will take you on a Black-Russian Pie Tour.

He's the Reason for the Teardrops on my Guitar

Results of the Kanye Poll.

Those blaming Gaga: one lonely idiot. Those blaming Kanye: me, myself, and the rest of the world.

In other Kanye disasters, he has now ruined the life of Jenn. I am going to Philadelphia the weekend that Our Lady of Gaga’s Monster’s Ball hits the Toronto stage.

I feel like Taylor Swift. Kanye is the reason for the teardrops on my guitar.

Social Media Newsflash: Thanksgiving Gravy

Dear Jamie Lally

Just a quick note to extend my appreciation for your well-rounded self. Though your PhD will make you a Doctor of Biology, Muscles and Fatty acids; you remain a keen subscriber to business news sources. It was so kind of you to bring such resources to the cottage without my prompting.
Going forward, I will think of you not only as my sister’s boyfriend, but also as the homework enforcer. Had you not tried to impress my family by reading the paper while the rest of us drank and ate, I never would have read the article described below. Given your love for scholarly endeavors (read: a million years of post-secondary education), I presume this title will be agreeable.
Sincerely
Jenn

You can read it too, click here:

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/report-on-business/small-business/small-business-social-media-not-mixing/article1318761/

So apparently, small businesses are not leveraging the power of the social-web to peddle their wares.

SHOCK me SHOCK me SHOCK me!

No seriously. I am shocked. To quote my friend Nick’s response on the wiki, this is “counter-intuitive”.

I would think that the relatively low cost of online marketing, coupled with the organic nature of social media and the ‘give-and-get’ of expertise online, would make social media a no-brainer for small business.

So what isn’t mixing? According to the article, this gap is specific to social media. Small businesses are utilizing eCommerce, online advertising, company websites and email marketing well. It’s the MyTwitterSpaceBook stuff that remains insignificant.

My first instinct is that perhaps small businesses lack the resources to do social media right. We have learned that the loss of control in social media requires careful strategy. Small businesses may not have the marketing expertise required to tap into this channel or may not know where to begin. We see that large organizations still struggle to get it right: that fact alone must be intimidating for a smaller shop without an in-house marketing team.

Whatever the case, there is a missed opportunity to leverage expertise and generate “buzz”.

Dear Small Businesses: Open your Eyes.

Qualifying the Obvious

Newsflash: Being someone's digital friend does not mean you actually interact with them.



Read: http://www.hpl.hp.com/research/scl/papers/twitter/

HiL-ar-I-ous

Like we needed a study commissioned by HP to learn this. Well I didn't need it, I am quite aware. The majority of my Facebook friends (read 75% +), are on a totally limited profile. As a full fledge creeper, I know how your FB can be used against you and take great pains to ensure that only the closest of friends can see what I really think and say and do.

....unfortunately I just realized that I keep my friends close and my enemies closer, so this strategy could totally backfire.....

I digress

The point is that access to someone's digital social network is not an invitation to party. Getting through the door, at least in Twitter, according to the study, requires actual reciprocal interaction.

This matters to advertisers who see social networking as a means to propagate ideas and capitalize on viral marketing through who their users know. They will have to be more targeted and link into social media circles with interaction.

Check out the study. It has interesting detail why this information matters, but nothing particularly earth shattering to the average creeper.

If you are reading this post it is a definitive success.

The actual success of social media campaigns is difficult to measure, especially in isolation.

Versus your other marketing activities, how do you know if social media marketing actually made money for your company?

How can you measure success?


A number of articles tell us that many companies continue to struggle with this question...
though there are no shortage of marketing executives throwing money at web campaigns, it seems that the business elite are still unsure how to track if it's working or not.

Side note: I wish I had money to throw at things irrespective of ROI.


Oh wait...I throw money at no return investments all the time. 


Or, do I actually just fail to measure the return?

case in point: partying.
cocktail hour is a significant investment in a city like Toronto where a glass of wine can run you $10 (therefore 6 glasses takes you to $60, plus tips, cab, buying back your dignity...you can do the math). 

What is the return on my party investment? 

Hmmmmmm, well I don't know what to measure, but I suppose it depends on what my objectives were when I invested in the party:

1. If my objective was to wake up and do push-ups the next morning, the return was negative.
2. If my objective was to feel invincible for 4 hours that night, stock in Jenn just skyrocketed.

Likewise, in the case of social media marketing, it is critical to set out campaign objectives, define what success looks like, and then measure your progress against your goals.  Traditional web analytics are insufficient unless your only objective is to drive traffic and get hits. If you want to attract customers and build a brand you need to go further with your strategy and measure your conversions to sales.  The point is that you need to decide what you're trying to do (i.e. "do you have a web strategy") and what your KPIs will be (ie. do we care about sales, hits, twitter followers, fb fans?) for measuring success.

Life Coach Wanted

I need a new life coach.

In light of recent events with the Dr. Phil family (http://www.drphil.com/shows/page/family_archive/ ) and his failure to save them from pregnant teens and daughters in jail, I have fired the big man from Texas. Do I have stupid written across my forehead? This ain’t my first rodeo boy, and if I want more, I am going to have to require more.

Sometimes you just got to give yourself what you wish someone else would give you. Failure is no accident; and awareness without action is worthless. I can’t change what I don’t acknowledge.

It’s time for me to get real!

Apply within.

One White Glove

Check out my new MJ player.  Since installation, I've kept "The Way you Make me Feel" on repeat to fuel my entries.

Q: Things that are amazing?
A: MJ Players.

Alpha-Girls

I hope she gets this memo

Dear Lacie
You are a creature unlike any other, filling my days with sunshine, lollipops, and rage.
In our struggle to define our little family hierarchy, your persistence in the quest for Alpha-Girl status has amazed me.
I hope I haven’t been too hard on you. Though I may appear enraged at times, I do admire your exquisite chewing taste. Given the option of DG and Nine West, I hope I would pick DG too. You never settle for less than what you want.
There is something to be said for the sense of entitlement you bring to everything you do. Whether you are sitting in the front seat of the car, sleeping under my new duvet, or climbing up to shut my laptop with your paw; you are always exactly where you want to be.

I thought I would take this opportunity to remind you that no matter how entitled you may feel, I remain to be, the only Alpha-Girl around here.

You are one lucky little puppy to have an owner like me. Other dogs would only too happily take over your lux little corner on the leather sofa, your feather snoozes on 400 thread count shams, and your chewy Vuitton squeaky toys.
A loving suggestion, that maybe the next time you are jonesing for a chew, you should find some rawhide.
With love and all sincerity,
Jenn

God may not answer my prayers. But Gaga does.

So I prayed to Our Lady of Gaga all night and she heard me. 
She answered back by informing my secret source that not only will she still tour....but that when she does, it will be beautiful, dirty and rich. 
Within moments of my posting, we heard from the mouth of Our Lady herself: “Lady Gaga Still leaving on solo TOUR this nov. Announcing next week. leaked next single is makin my ears bleed. Wait till you hear the real version ;)”

this is what I call a miracle.

Weapon of Mass Consumption

I do not need social media to convince me I like buying stuff. Trust me.

It seems however, that for the less retail inclined, social media can go a long way in opening wallets.


Beyond the obvious “buy this and you will be cool" advertising campaigns that social media bombards us with, this new form of interaction between user, seller and would-be buyer has changed the way consumers behave.

penny-pinchers beware!!! your facebook account is tricking you into spending your hard earned cash.

for starters, my investigation has found no shortage of consumers willing to express their anger in ALL CAPS on message boards telling their sob stories of negative experiences with various organizations, products and services.

case in point: http://www.thesqueakywheel.com/
[HI-LAR-I-OUS]

Dear Squeaky Wheel,
Your site is basically an amazing compilation of consumer rage that I believe serves a greater societal purpose, which I will get to in a bit.
With kind regards,
Jenn


Further Googlation, coupled with my own consumer experience, demonstrates that shoppers everywhere have replaced the trusted advice of sales representatives with online consumer reviews.

nothing says put away the plastic like Joe's comment: “bought it and it sucked”



nothing says swipe, swipe away, like Mary's comment: “get this today, it's amazing, you need it right now”

greater societal purpose
social media and consumer behaviour have made the tech-savvy retail junkie a force to be reckoned with. we will tell you what we think, whether you like it or not.

Now, instead of calling your customer service hotline, we will shout your company’s suckiness all across the intermess for the whole world to read!

Twisted Sister

web 2.0:  on the list of things I knew nothing about until I did my MBA at Ryerson.

qu'est-ce que c'est?

"web 2.0" refers to what was perceived as a second generation of web development and web design that facilitates communication, interactive information sharing, interoperability, user-centered design, and collaboration on the World Wide Web. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Web_2.0

basically, it is the building block behind a generation of facebook creepin’ cyber stalkers. Our enjoyment of social networks, blogs, wikis and the like comes to us courtesy of web 2.0.

Dear web 2.0
Just a quick note to thank you for your thoughtfulness, and for enabling me to creep the ongoing lives of ex boyfriends on the world wide web.  In my life, there have been few moments as satisfying as the opportunity to witness my former loves fall apart without me; losing their looks and sense of style; and selecting lesser women as their life-partners.  Some days web 2.0, you make my day.
xoxo
Jenn

Are social networks new? Or are we just dealing with the cyber twin sister of “that girl”?

You know her: the friend who knows all, sees all, informs you of all, and tells everyone else “all” as soon as she gets the chance.

You love her AND you love to hate her.

Let’s be serious now….the social media indulgent are just closeted versions of “that girl”. Via social media we can creep, get juicy details that we would otherwise not be privy to, spread those details to our friends and networks, and then feign innocence by dropping a harmless white lie…. 

“It wasn’t me! I didn’t say anything”.

Fortunately,  Psychology Today tells me that “Gossip is Golden”. According to researchers: “Gossip serves important social and psychological functions; it’s a unifying force that communicates a group’s moral code. It’s the social glue that holds us all together”. http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199607/the-real-slant-gossip

If gossip is the glue, then web 2.0 is like an industrial strength societal weld.  Amazing.

So how can organizations leverage web 2.0 technologies for communication?

Let me count the ways: how about linking people globally to better leverage resources; creating Wikis for knowledge management; instant messaging between team members; brand building; leadership blogs. I can go on, but I think you get the picture….

Web 2.0 gets 2.0 meows from me.

Some of them try to Blog but they can't Blog like this.

Everyone Loves a "Tryer"

I believe that everyone loves a tryer.

In the spirit of trying, I will attempt to cover our class "question of the week" for all of the weeks I have missed MEOW!

Side note: In my own defense, not unlike another few tryers I know, I dabbled in Competitive Intelligence for the first two weeks of the semester.  Huge mistake.  It was more like the Astrophysics of Consumer Behaviour - I barely remember how to graph a parabola, (rocked GMAT) and all.

Three lengthy meows to follow. 

In other news, if you want to learn more about parabolas check out this link:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parabola

no one on the corner have Swagger like us.

blogging to you direct from Digital Media class. 

I was planning to blog about why privacy is important to organizations who want to add social media to their PR strategy.

unfortunately, Kanye and Gaga have cancelled Fame Kills and I am so distracted that I have to blog about that instead.

this is what is so exciting about blogging. it's like you're in my head.  now you all know what I am really truly thinking right this moment.

Side note: Mike and Roula are doing an awesome job.

so what is this [beyond an Epic Hot Mess]?

Lady Kanye definitely did something to ruin the show because Gaga would never hurt me like this.  we have just danced together since the first single.  we have matching poker faces. 

the truth of the matter is.  i never liked Kanye anyways.